Saying "No thanks" to an offer to play

It was a busy night at the club. We found ourselves in a small group with some other club members who we had not met before. Mrs. Penguin and I were very interested in one of the couples in the group, but had no real interest in one of the other couples at our tables. Its not that they were unattractive, annoying, or uninteresting, its just that for whatever reason they were not doing anything for us. Despite lack of interest in playing with them, we were still having a good time talking with them and everyone else in the group. Unfortunately, this couple was very much interested in us, and it did not take too long for the other man to ask me if we would would wanted to go downstairs to find a room.


Contrary to popular belief (outside of the lifestyle), most swingers will not have sex with just anyone. We all are interested in some people and not other, and at no time is anyone under an obligation to accept and offer to play. If you choose to swing, at some point someone you don't want to play with is going to invite you to play, and it is important to handle that situation appropriately.

More often than not, simply saying "no thanks", "not right now" or "maybe some other time" does the job. These responses let the other party know that you don't want to play, without saying "I don't want to play with you". Most of the time, this allows both parties to remain friendly, without anyone feeling hurt or rejected. In many situations, "maybe some other time" is actually the best option. There was one time where Mrs. Penguin and I rejected an offer from a couple we has just met at the club, but once we got to know them over the course of the next several visits we built a comfort level with them, and ended up accepting an offer that they made latter on. Saying no does not always equate to saying never, it just means that at that moment you are not feeling it.

While the more passive rejection of "not right now" works most of the time, there are going to be other situations where it is the not the best response. Sometimes the person making the offer does not understand and continues to make offers throughout the night and other times you want to break off the conversation completely. In either of these situations, the best course of action is to just say no. Be polite but unambiguous about it. Most swingers are pretty good at respecting boundries, and a firm but polite rejection rarely results in hurt feelings or other issues. In the event that someone continues to force the issue, dont hesitate to reach out to club staff or the party host. "No means no" is one of the single most important rules in the lifestyle, and I have yet to see a party host or club staff member who will hesitate to remove someone from the party who refuses to follow it.

No matter how you say "no", it is important that you say no when you dont want to accept an offer to play. Every swinger should play only when they want to, and never because they did not want to say no to someone else.

Do you have any tips or tricks for refusing an offer to play? If you do, please feel free to share them in the comments sections!